The T2

We call it the T2.

Tahlia was not swaddle friendly. No matter how we wrapped her, it seemed as though she had superhuman strength and could remove any swaddle. Although I was a fair swaddler, she could break my wrap as if it was the wrap of a first week, sleep deprived parent. We stopped attempting to swaddle her when we found her with the blanket covering her face. We felt it was a sign.

We were young and immature. We didn't fully understand the swaddle.

With Asher has come the T2. It is a modified swaddle built off of the expertise of labor and delivery nurses. When watching one of these nurses, one will notice that the nurse seems to believe one's baby is made out of some type of malleable substance that will not break. New parents look on in horror as their baby is whipped about with little concern for this new cherubim recently gifted to these to unworthy beings. The second time parent knows better. The second time parent has partially prepared for the sleepless nights, the crying, the wakings, the feedings, the changings. The second time parent pays close attention to these geniuses who change the newborn baby's diaper with out a flinch.

It was while watching, we'll say her name was Erica, Erica that I noticed the amount of torque placed on the last bind of the swaddle. I did not believe that our son should have to struggle to breath, but this didn't stop Erica from pulling the last wrap all the more tightly. I felt I saw him gasp, then exhale. He became quiet. He was still breathing, of course, but he seemed, well, as they say, comforted.

Armed with this memory, we returned home. But the memory was worthless in the beginning because the nurses advised us poorly. We of course took the nurses suggestions, therefore, I'm not sure exactly who is to blame. They told us to swaddle the little one with his hands close to his face, elbows bent. This allowed him to freely smack himself in the face while we attempted to sleep.

After several nights of Mommy holding him all night long, we began losing it. In desperation, we called our doctor. When we explained how we were swaddling him, we believe the doctor put her hand over the phone, and laughed. "No, put his hands down." There was no sympathy in her voice.

That night, we set to with our new advice and distant memory. In so doing, we created the Tahlia 2, or T2. This swaddle starts off as any would -- a blanket set askew with a folded down top. Next, the baby is off set, either to the left or the right, depending on the swaddler's preference as well as favored hand in which the swaddler with find the most strength. The head of the child is placed half on the blanket, half off. The short side is folded first, bringing the blanket first down along the child's cheek, then adding another fold, and then across the body. The added fold gives a second barrier through which the child must break in order to free the arm. Arm, of course, is flat against the side. No slack is allowed in this first fold, and the remaining fabric is tucked neatly behind the baby to ensure a strong hold. The bottom is folded up next, and again, tucked behind the child. The final arm is put against the baby's side as the blanket is first moved down, adding a fold and then across the body. Here, not only is no slack allowed, but additional force, or, uh, snugness is added to give that warm and comfy womb like feeling to the child. It is not unusual to see the child look up in alarm as he remembers this once nurturing place. If needed, a foot can be used to ensure the proper amount of tightness is used.

After you're done, the child should look like an overstuffed burrito freshly created by the laborers at Chipotle. Surprisingly, much of the procedure is given the same amount of attention those servers give your burrito.

I've found it helpful to add a dialog to facilitate this work of art. If you like, you may follow it, but feel free to ad lib or create your own conversation.

"You're not going to get out of this one. Keep your hand down. Ah, that's right. Across, oh, is that tight enough? You want it a little tighter? Now keep those legs down. You think you can just squirm out don't you? Well not this time buddy. No-sir-re mister. Uh... uh... Keep those legs still. There we go, a little more snug and around the back, ok ok you can keep trying to get out but you're going to stay in, and now this arm down good good and across and roll and snug and voilà, there's my little sausage. Almost good enough to eat."