Hold me

Suzanne Vega has a song called "Gypsy". It is a beautiful song that Mommy once, a long time ago, introduced to Daddy.

It starts: "You come from far away/With pictures in your eyes/Of coffeeshops and morning streets/In the blue and silent sunrise"

And it is beautiful. It is beautiful to me for more than just the song; for, as is so often with music, the song is not only the song, but is all of the emotion of those days long ago when Mommy and Daddy were just falling in love, just beginning to reach out to find each other's hands to hold, just beginning to steal kisses. It is a song that returns often to me.

Part way through the song, the chorus states, "Hold me like a baby that will not fall asleep."

When I was younger, and without children, I yearned for these words. Although they are beautifully sung, the chorus is a bit ironic, for, how many people actually enjoy a baby who will not fall asleep? Our experience is that, while we enjoy whole heartedly holding a child who has already drifted into dreamland, the child who needs constant rocking and simply contests falling asleep really is not very enjoyable.

All that said, artistic license is accepted. We will, for this exercise, decide that holding a baby who will not fall asleep is a beautiful thing.

The song rushes into me now. Tahlia has just climbed out of her bath. She is sopping and naked and wants to jump into her towel. Instead of waiting for me to wrap her up, she calls for me,

"Hold me, Daddy. Hold me like a baby."

Now, not only do I have those long ago emotions, but also all of these new ones that are the suddenly created by this cherubim who, by simply existing, makes everything ok. And I wrap her in the pink overside towel and fulfill her request, pulling her carefully onto my lap.

And I freeze time. I take a snap shot. I encase this moment in memory ice. I savory this, for this moment will soon flee and our little girl will keep growing. Already she realizes that she is no longer a baby, she is a big girl. She has grown out of her baby life, and she will keep growing until she is a teenager who possibly wants nothing to do with her dad. She will keep growing until she moves away, attending a college, or marrying. She will keep growing into the wonderful person who we truly want her to be.

And I freeze time to hold her like a baby while she lets me.